Hey Pandas, AITA For Telling My Buddy I Cannot Be Her Therapist Anymore?


I apologize if this can be a prolonged submit however I really feel like I’ve to let all the pieces out.

This can be a 13 12 months friendship and consider me once I say that her private issues have not out of the blue appeared out of the blue. My pal “Alex” hasn’t had the best life and I do really feel for her. All through the years I’ve been her primary assist system throughout exhausting instances (her mom and pet cat dying, points relating to despair and nervousness, cash, her relationship along with her exes and poisonous siblings and so forth.), and I assist her in any approach I can, be it cash, meals or a shoulder to cry on.

A number of months in the past, she needed to give up her job as a consequence of office bullying and her psychological well being solely worsened after that. I used to be there for her and I even stopped her from harming herself one night time when she was feeling suicidal. I urged her to hunt assist and she or he promised she would, however as of now, she hasn’t spoken to anybody. This can be a cycle that has been happening for years. She goes via an emotional disaster, she involves me and vents, issues are okay for some time then one thing else occurs and we’re again to the place we began.

The newest disaster was final week. Her (new) cat is sick and Alex is

mentally frail in the intervening time. I supplied to pay for a few of her cat’s remedy, supplied her assist however I am attempting to maintain my distance since I am getting bored with all this. She was feeling significantly awful at present and I discussed talking to a therapist. She did not reply rudely or something however I might inform she was aggravated by this remark. She mentioned she had no cash to pay for a therapist, she had a number of debt as a consequence of her cat’s remedy and another unrelated issues, however I urged her to do it, since her medical insurance would cowl the price of the appointments however she nonetheless refused.

I am an introverted individual, and earlier than you assume this truth has nothing to with something, keep in mind that introverts are extremely vulnerable to absorbing the feelings of individuals surrounding us. It’s fairly actually exhausting after some time, and I really feel completely robbed of my power and good vibes when my pal goes via a disaster. I’ve despatched her articles and movies up to now about the advantages of talking to a therapist however, as I discussed earlier than, she refuses. After 13 years, I really feel like I’ve been a superb pal, I have been her main assist system, helped her out financially, I’ve given her a shoulder to cry on however I really feel like I’ve had sufficient. I can not hold speeding to her help each single time and really feel shitty afterwards as a result of she fully drains me. Do not get me mistaken, she’s a superb individual and sadly, hasn’t had the best life however she will’t count on this cycle to go on without end. I really feel like if she spoke to a clinically licensed therapist, and even perhaps took some remedy it might assist her tremendously.

As we speak, I let her know gently that I could not be there for her continually, that her neediness was affecting me in a damaging mild, that if she refused to talk to a therapist then that was her selection, however she could not deal with me as such. She did not reply negatively, however she did say she did not really feel like speaking about this in the intervening time and hasn’t messaged me again in hours. I really feel like this needed to be mentioned ultimately and I am glad I did, regardless of feeling barely responsible for probably hurting her emotions. I did not point out something years in the past as a result of she’s extremely delicate, however her final disaster (she actually had a razor pressed towards her veins as she was on the cellphone talking with me) actually scared me and I can not undergo one thing like that once more.

Regardless that I am glad I let her know, was this nonetheless a shitty factor to do?

No, youre fully justified. I am the identical approach, and I’ve a pal like that. As essential as being a superb pal is, you additionally must care for your self. Do not let your self get slowed down and caught in a pit as a result of somebody will not go get skilled assist… It is essential to set boundaries. So long as you were not a jerk about it, bc there’s a impolite solution to say that, I feel you are fully proper. I do perceive why you’re feeling responsible tho. Do not. You probably did what’s finest for your self in a troublesome and seemingly by no means ending state of affairs. 13 years of that’s a very long time.

Hope this helped! Hope you are having a superb day!


NTA. Its time to chop Alex unfastened. If she isnt going to take the time to get her priorities discovered on her personal, there may be completely nothing you are able to do for her.


NTA. If she doesn’t need a therapist and needs to keep away from her issues, that’s on her. You need to assist her via robust instances and assist her out, however you shouldn’t be the one dealing with her issues and having the bags. I do know I’m being blunt, however she will both get assist from a therapist or none! If she refuses to hunt assist from anybody aside from you, I feel there’s extra to this than meets the attention.


You need to at all times take care of your self earlier than looking for another person. Nta and by no means might be for prioritising ur well being even tho I perceive it is easy to know it’s going to really feel prefer it


Under no circumstances! Being the therapist pal is tough and exhausting. (I do know bc I’m one). Typically it will get an excessive amount of. I like to recommend establishing boundaries firstly and by no means havingto justify saying no.


Typically it will probably impact you simply as emotional and also you finish being there emotional assist factor. Typically they do not even take trip for you.
Typically you must give your self a break and take a look at and aways it’s best to inform them whether it is at a sure level for your self and for them much more to get assist. As a result of typically speaking do not sort things. Typically nothing helps however assist.



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